I went out with a girlfriend last night - just us two girls - and we hadn't caught up in over a week. We were celebrating her new job and ordered a pitcher of beer. I had been good all day (and all week) and didn't think it would damage my efforts too badly - not enough that I couldn't pick back up from where I left off yesterday afternoon anyway. I was positive and happy to because I knew my limits.
So, I feel awful this morning. Not hungover - seriously two beers?? - but I feel guilty, lethargic and headachy and like a bit of a bitch. The self loathing kicked in first thing when i hopped on the scales. What I don't get is how I was all for spoiling myself and ready to jump back on the wagon this morning (and food and activity wise I have) but why am I now enduring this mortification and self flagellation? My mind feels like it's playing tricks on me. My past behaviours of talking myself down (and out) usually lead me to jump back off the wagon boots and all. I don't want to feel guilty. So I'm trying not to.
I'm going to try Forgiveness. I didn't do anything wrong, yet right now I'm wallowing in guilt. Well, I can try to forgive myself anyway. I enjoyed it and it was worth it and I'm ok with that - truly. I had set the rules and I plan on sticking to them. One of them was to cheat once a week.
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