It's 2am and I can't sleep. I have fears and doubts running through my mind and the wonderful upbeat inner voice that was so exuberant to be on this weight loss journey seems to be on holidays.
Where did that excited and strong willed woman go? Who is this person sitting here writing now? I have been struggling this last week with food choices in a big way. Truthfully, not even struggling - just making bad ones. I haven't cooked dinner or made a lunch in weeks. We've been ordering pizza or dining out or skipping meals altogether. For a variety of reasons I have ended up off plan. But I can't seem to find the motivation to get back on plan right now.
I believe the junk I've been eating has sapped my strength and my strength of will to stay on track. I feel depressed, lethargic, tired but can't sleep, headachey and really unattractive. The scales have not reflected the damage - yet - and I continue to weigh myself every day. It goes from 189.6 to 192 but never higher or lower. I am scared of putting weight back on. Right now I'm also hating myself for not being persistent. I don't want to feel this way. I want to get back on plan and keep my shizit together and lose another 5 pounds this month.
I need sleep and hopefully in the morning I'll feel better about things. I have a food plan tomorrow and hopefully i'll keep it together and stick to it.
Wish me luck...
Sorry for the negative side sob story.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Monday, September 13, 2010
Keep on keeping on
Hello all, it's been a little while.
I've had a fair bit happen in the past couple of weeks and I've been trying to keep on top of it. My boyfriend and I went on a mini trip to visit his parents who live 5 hours away. He and I been together for over a year and live together so it's kind of serious. This was my first time meeting them and it was great. They immigrated to Canada and don't speak a lot of english so it was definitely a challenge communicating. But they are wonderful and friendly and we really enjoyed ourselves. My diet went straight out the window, I tried to stay on top of it and controlled my portion sizes, however I gradually slipped down the slope and ate a lot of crap too.
I've been back a few days now and have had to work much harder to make myself look good and feel good at work. I am supposed to represent my companies brand and wear it proudly and it's made so much harder when I have been feeling so unattractive and depressed because of the amount of junk i ate.
Truthfully, it wasn't even comparable to the junk I've consumed in the past. Not too long ago I would have binged on a whole pizza, doritos as a side, and then followed that with a super rich chocolate icecream (preferably with bits of fudge brownie - served from the tub by the litre. All of that in one sitting on the couch watching a few dvd's on my own.
I have been feeling sorry for myself because I ate a bunch of donuts and an icecream over a whole weekend. In perspective it's not much. And in the long term scheme of things, what I am trying to do now - lose 50lbs - it's forgivable. As long as I get back on track and give myself a good swift kick up the bum.
And this morning when I hopped on the scale and it read 189.8 I felt like my new habits of portion control and moderate food choices have paid off. My dedication in my daily life is working and in the long term my little period of junk will not matter.
I've had a fair bit happen in the past couple of weeks and I've been trying to keep on top of it. My boyfriend and I went on a mini trip to visit his parents who live 5 hours away. He and I been together for over a year and live together so it's kind of serious. This was my first time meeting them and it was great. They immigrated to Canada and don't speak a lot of english so it was definitely a challenge communicating. But they are wonderful and friendly and we really enjoyed ourselves. My diet went straight out the window, I tried to stay on top of it and controlled my portion sizes, however I gradually slipped down the slope and ate a lot of crap too.
I've been back a few days now and have had to work much harder to make myself look good and feel good at work. I am supposed to represent my companies brand and wear it proudly and it's made so much harder when I have been feeling so unattractive and depressed because of the amount of junk i ate.
Truthfully, it wasn't even comparable to the junk I've consumed in the past. Not too long ago I would have binged on a whole pizza, doritos as a side, and then followed that with a super rich chocolate icecream (preferably with bits of fudge brownie - served from the tub by the litre. All of that in one sitting on the couch watching a few dvd's on my own.
I have been feeling sorry for myself because I ate a bunch of donuts and an icecream over a whole weekend. In perspective it's not much. And in the long term scheme of things, what I am trying to do now - lose 50lbs - it's forgivable. As long as I get back on track and give myself a good swift kick up the bum.
And this morning when I hopped on the scale and it read 189.8 I felt like my new habits of portion control and moderate food choices have paid off. My dedication in my daily life is working and in the long term my little period of junk will not matter.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Weigh in and hating on me
Eek! I'm a day late in posting but with good reason. I had a great
weigh in at 190.6 so down 1.8 lbs. I'm stoked with that. I have peeked
at a number below 190 in the past week but that might have to wait til
next weeks official weigh in to settle there.
weigh in at 190.6 so down 1.8 lbs. I'm stoked with that. I have peeked
at a number below 190 in the past week but that might have to wait til
next weeks official weigh in to settle there.
So like I mentioned last time, i've started a jogging program. Day 1 I
totally sucked. Day 2 I imagined I saw improvement and day 3 (spread
over a week so there are rest days in between) I was feeling good
about exercise. I'm no where near being a superfit gym junkie. Jogging
is just one activity I like and it's great doing something together
with my boy. It's a long way to the top...
Anyhow, by the time I got home I was feeling a pain in my left hip.
Muscle strain I thought. Must have worked Hard! But an hour later I
realised it was more like nerves than muscle ache. The pain was
getting to me and I ended up taking some aspirin and going to bed
early. Hence I didn't post my results yesterday.
When it was still hurting this morning I googled the symptoms. I know
I shouldn't self diagnose but it has helped narrow things down in the
past and I always go to the Dr afterwards if it's serious. I just do
it for a little peace of mind. Turns out I might have an inflamed hip
bursa (bursitis). Its a fluid sac on the hip joint that supports leg
tendons. Take some anti-inflammatories (sp?) and keep off it. Great. I
am on my feet 8 hours a day for work and tring to keep on a jogging
program. This is not cool.
Sometimes it's easy to feel let down by your own body. I resent it for
being unco-operative. And I'm grumpy from the pain. Ugggh. I'm hating
on me right now.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)